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Showing posts with label Canvas. Show all posts



by
Anonymous

Trust in Marriage

Trust in marriage is something so vital that without it, a home could be in shambles. It is in every simple act that when one spouse begins to give in to his/her suspicious thoughts, it is like detonated time bomb.

The issue which would be discussed here is regarding certain acts by spouse could eventually be a pathway for the couple to break apart.


Greetings, and welcome to yet another article at Eighth Canvas!
Marriage, as it is in the biblical terms as an union which was designed for companionship and intimacy. 

There are many verses which depict husbands and wives. For one, Colossians 3:19 states that: 

19Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
The bible also teaches one to be careful in choosing one's spouse which is vital for one's holistic life. Infact, in Proverbs 18:22, it was written : 

22Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Moreover, in Deutronomy 7:3-4, it was written : 

3Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.
 4For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
Finding a spouse could be hard, but once a person finds 'the one', then as Gods puts it ; he/she have obtained favor from God, Himself.
Just a glance through appendix section in the bible yields about 500 Old and New Testament references to the words "marriage," "married," "husband," and "wife." Yet, so many couples out there choose to break apart due to "irreconcilable differences". Bible covers almost every aspect of life. Every problem would definitely have a solution. The issue is whether one chooses to look for one or just opt for an easy way out.

Trust, is defined as the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed, or reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. This obligation or reliance is the core essence in two different individuals living together. Once this trust is broken, there's nothing else to strive for in that particular relationship.

The issue in hand would be to what extent does a spouse could go to prove this reliance? Which of these ways are accepted norms or society? or even are acceptable in Gods book of laws.
For some, the need of a certain level of confirmation could be alarming. As an example eavesdropping. In this case, it is very obvious the relationship is not based on mutual trust or respect at all as one of the spouse does not have the reliance on the integrity of his/her spouse. 

This could be devastating to the matrimony if it is not resolved in time. Those two aspects (mutual trust and respect) are not just important, they are foundational and fundamental. Without any foundation what little to hold will crumble soon. When at this stage, it is better for the spouse to just unplug the phone and cut their losses while they can still control them. It is a sad situation to think of it.

A friend of mine, say Lisa (anonymous) had a beautiful marriage anyone could envy for. One day she had a change of department at work, which had difference on work schedules and shift hours. Due to these changes, her husbands started to develop suspicion over her faithfulness towards him. 

He started to stalk her after working hours and it all went escalating to a point where her husband knew every little things Lisa was doing. Things were going on fine with Lisa until one day she begin suspecting something was terribly wrong with her phone when she realized that her phone had been bugged. In pure panic she begin to track down her stalker eventually leading back to her home GPS location. From that point onwards her marriage went downhill.

It is totally devastating for a spouse to find out not only her husband/wife does not trust her, but to make the matter worse, he/she is paranoid about the them could indeed spell for distance in a relationship. 

Once the emotional stress starts to build up then only time could answer what the future may hold.

At times is the paranoia could be of legitimate reason? If one is that paranoid it's most likely for a reason. Once there is a cause, there will be an effect. The trouble only begins when the issue is not resolved, but instead becomes suspicion.

That moment onwards, it would most likely only be a matter of time whether it's now or later. The cornerstone of trust in the marriage is gone. Once this element is no longer present, unless both partners willing to communicate and resolve, the terminal end of the sacred relationship is at the end. Once when there is a space for suspicion to grow, one should resolve it by communicating and addressing the issue with the related party.
A healthy relationship comprises of many, many things. For starters the ability to treat each other with respect, to feel secure and comfortable with each other, non violent relationship, could resolve conflicts satisfactorily, both partners could enjoy the time spent together, supportive of each other,  taking interest in each others' lives : health, family, work, etc, the ability to keep the relationship private, could trust each other, are sexual by choice, able to communicate clearly and openly, encourage each other healthy friendships, each partner is honest about the past and present sexual activity if the relationship is intimate, and tend to have more good times in the relationship than bad. 

In every relationship, there are definite possibility of having bad days, arguments, dissatisfaction, and anything else that may be unpleasant. Its is not be all and end all though. All the bad days should be foundations for good days. Should be foundations to loving and trusting each other more.

Till next time,
Take Care


Disclamer and References:
The owner(s) of this blog is does not compensate to providing opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog owners. If we claim or appear to be experts on a certain topic, it is purely due to our experience. Should you require professional help, please refer your marriage counselor. This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest. If you have any queries please feel free to contact us.

Images are credited to their respective copyright owners, unless stated otherwise.
Definitions taken from Dictionary.com.

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by
Yvonne

Riches VS Poverty : What's your pick?

Greetings to all,

I haven't fulfilled my promise for spectroscopy just yet, but rest assured it is on its way. This edition would be something that has always been at the back of my head for a while now. It has been a an old age discussion in deciding whether it is good to be rich or better to be poor. Some may resort to being poor by saying money can't buy happiness. Some may sulk and say that they have tried everything they have in their power to be rich and failed. Some may say they are happy that they are poor.

"Poor service is what we hate"

At today's times, some may argue being at the other spectrum might be better to educate children, 3 times meals a day, decent ride and comfortable home (of course some may throw in other things as well). When it comes down to it, that's all life is about. While for those who aren't in this category it is somewhat daunting to even get by the day, even 1 meal a day seems like a blessing.

Although am just in my early 20's I can only thank God for the luxury of having 3 meals a day. With that said, I've had some difficult times too in my life where I hardly had the money to even buy a cup of water, let alone 1 meal a day. I had to do anything I could to get by and the only thing I had in my mind is to get by another day and make it count. At that time life seemed precious, even the simplest things in life seems worthy. At the end of the day each day, I thank God for all the blessings I had been given. For some reason, life did seem happy. Contented.

Facts of life

What does the society perceive about being rich? Well from what I see, being rich covers one from most  trouble/crime/sin they commit. I read this in a Yahoo page :
  • R. Kelly, R&B singer charged with child molestation rebounded quite well, with multi-platinum selling records during and after his trial. Sell-out shows on tour.
  • Mike Tyson, world-renown boxer, spent 6 years in prison for rape and he's still making money through film and book deals. If any of us were convicted rapists, could we even get within 500 yards of a movie set?
  • Robert Downey Jr, actor. Here's an idea, let's line up all the heroin junkies in America to audition for the lead role in the next summer blockbuster.
Mugshot of Robert Downey Jr
  • Kobe Bryant, NBA star. Charged with rape. Seems like it's been all-but-forgotten. Hey, he did get the Lakers another ring last year and he's the best player in the NBA!
  • O.J. Simpson, ex-NFL star and small time actor. Hm. Can't call this one, but something tells me he still has access to luxuries the average murderer doesn't. 
  • Mickey Rourke, actor. Seems to be getting a lot of big movie roles for an alcoholic who has beaten his ex-wives. Wonder if my employers could overlook arrests for domestic violence.
Mickey Rourke as villain in Iron Man 2
  • Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson, rapper and small time actor. Ex-con? Ex-drug dealer? Worth $300+ million, working with movie legends like DeNiro and Pacino? Not bad.
 
  • Eminem, rapper. Skirmishes outside night clubs, violence against the mother of his child, weapons charges. Sounds like a winner.
  • Roman Polanski, movie director. This guy drugged and sodomized minors. He even fled the country to avoid prosecution. Hollywood still came to his defense. If I am rich, I wonder if people will still come to my defense if I am drugging and violating minor children.
Left: Polanski in the 1960s with his wife, Sharon Tate. Bottom right: Samantha
Geimer, who was 13 when Polanski had sex with her in 1977. Top left: Jack Nicholson, in
whose home the crime occurred. Photo: AFP/AP
  • Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter, rapper and entertainment mogul. Jay-Z was charged with stabbing a man and pleaded down to a lesser charge and was given 3 years probation. But, he's rich now. Would you overlook my attempted murder if I became big and powerful, too? Would you let your kids around me? Well, apparently beautiful women don't mind, do they Beyonce?
Jay-Z addicted to the game : Rolling Stone
  • Tim Allen, actor. Yep, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor spent 28 months in federal prison for cocaine trafficking. Still love the guy. 
  • Talking  about Allen, can't forget our famous producer Woody Allen, who married his long time minor girlfriend, upgrading from his father-daughter relation with her.
Left to right : Goldie Hawn, Soon-Yi Previn; Tim Allen's wife, Woody Allen and Natalie Portman.
           and with that said, he was also convicted of child rape of Mia Farrow's 7 year daughter Dylan Farrow. Mia Farrows was in a 12 year relationship Woody Allen though they were never married. Fortunately for his riches, he is still allowed to adopt more girls. We just can't get enough of awesome producers like him who just gives us awesome movies, can we? 
Tim Allen with his wife, Soon-Yi Previn, along with their 2 adopted daughters Manzie Tio Allen (right) & Bechet Dumaine Allen (left)
  • Paris Hilton? Lindsay Lohan, anyone? The list goes on.
Thinking about these people of high social class (although they are labeled celebrities, i see them as just another civilian in this case affluent civilian). I do understand they can afford top notch attorneys to get out of the situations they find themselves in, but is there really a stigma associated with being a criminal or do we just dislike poor people? Some of the lists did the at time or were accused before the fame, Tim Allen. What do you think? I mean, would you pay to watch a film starring the local sexual predator the next block over? Would you let a convicted rapist within 50 yards of your home, even near your children? If Tim Allen was a poor guy from your neighborhood who never had a job and lived off other people would you still look at him the same way? I honestly doubt it.


Well, maybe to make sense of it, what maybe happening could be that people still appreciate creative work even if the person who created it was not the best person. But how could, anything good come out something rotten? Edgar Allen Poe. By today's standards he was also a pedophile, he was a drunkard, and on October 7, 1849, at age 40, Poe died in Baltimore; the cause of his death is unknown and has been variously attributed to alcohol, brain congestion, cholera, drugs, heart disease, rabies, suicide, tuberculosis, and other agents. But he could write, thus made history. People love him, and people admire him.

I dont think it has anything to do with a lack of stigma towards criminals (though some things arent considered as criminal acts anymore). I think its good that we are able to see that even though they have made mistakes they still have positive qualities about them(if they ever do, eg Woody Allen; do you seriously think he is a changed man?). We are so called not judging them. Despite the fact that am a firm believer of good fruits doesn't come from a rotten tree, though. On the other hand, I think it is awfully bad because we are sending the message that those things are ok, that those things are acceptable. Not just to those who are looking to us, but we tell *THEM* its ok for them to continue acting like that, and even more, that we will continue to financially support you acting like that.

The more I go through these people I am beginning to believe people with riches have the tendency to live a morally incorrect life. As an additional note, their riches more often than not, serve as their armor against their conviction of any crime by a legal tribunal. Moreover, these people more often than not, elect themselves as  "godly figure" and adhering religiously to the Law for Crowley a.k.a. "Do what thou wilt". When Man has no moral standing and takes his own desires as the standards for living, I guess outcomes such as Jay-Z is truly NOT shocking at all.

In comparison for someone poor and suffering. He (gender neutral) does have the humbleness to truly believe that he is inferior and he has a mighty power which could prosecute him for his crime/sin/wrongful acts. These people tend to stay more rooted to the ground and lead a life feeling worthy and appreciative for what life offers. Everything life offers. Most often than not, people who have no riches to back them up often believe they have God as their ally.

With all that said, no one can ever generalize human beings. I can never categorize any two person as similar. Same goes to everything i wrote so far. Being poor is not a factor for integrity. It is just that more people have the tendency to live in a righteous way. Same goes to people who are rich, I hope I didn't stereotype them all. There are people who are rich yet stay grounded and has integrity which are often envied upon.

Coming back to the topic in hand, is it better to be rich or better to be poor? I think as long as I have my basic necessities fulfilled (roof on top of my head, clothes on my back, 4 wheels to get me around and have my tummy filled) - am not really looking for riches at all. I think the most important value of life is having God in your heart, in every step of one's life, reflecting His teachings in one's actions. I do not want anything which could distract me from that.

Feel free to comment

Till next time,
Take Care.

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